Single Black Female: My Own Experiences Dating in South Korea

My favorite dates always include a good meal!

I didn't specifically come to Korea to date, but to teach. However, I do make dating a mild priority while I'm here.

One of the first lessons I learned was:

Some are More Successful than Others

Dating is mindblowingly easy in Korea if you are of a certain demographic. I think we can all guess what that demographic would be. Here's an example:

I first came to Korea in 2010. I was working at a small kindergarten with two other foreign coworkers, both of whom were male. One was American.

One Sunday morning, I headed to the American's apartment looking for help. He told me that he could assist me. He offered me some water, and vented some of his frustration to me.

He ranted about a Korean woman who simply wouldn't leave him alone.

You see, they had met on a night out, where he made the mistake of giving away his phone number to this particular gal. She kept calling and texting him. He showed me the texts where the Korean woman kept asking to meet up with him at night, presumably for sex.

While this guy didn't like that girl, I noticed the thing that stood out: A Korean woman was begging this guy for sex?

I was in a relationship at the time, but the idea of it stuck with me.

Sometimes, a Good Korean Friend Can Truly Be Hard to Find

Wow! I'm in shock right now.

But let me begin with a story from awhile ago.

When I first arrived to Korea, I was starry-eyed and open to all of the new possibilities that the country could offer. I knew I would be exposed to a new culture, new food and new people. I knew I didn't speak Korean, but I was hopeful that I would be able to make good friends here easily. After all, I am a friendly person who likes meeting new people.

On that hiking trip some years ago. The woman referenced in the post is not in this picture

One day, I went on a hiking tour with a group of strangers. About half of them were Korean, and the other half were foreign students, military and teachers like me. I figured it would be a good way to meet new people.

While riding on a bus toward the mountain, a slightly older Korean woman approached me. Her English was good, I thought. She made up some small talk, asking me all sorts of questions about where I was from, and what I was doing in Korea.

When we talked about our hobbies, it appeared that we didn't have much in common. We weren't into the same leisure activities, didn't listen to the same types of music, nor did we have anywhere near the same sense of humor. We were different people, and that was okay. However, I did notice something. She stuck by me.

Throughout the bus ride and the long hiking trail, she made sure she stayed with me. The lady kept chatting and chatting with me. Even when I wanted to just walk, she seemed to always have something else to say. At the end of the day, she made sure she got my phone number.

Once she had that, she kept texting via SMS and calling, asking about when we were going to meet up again. She really wanted to hang out with me. Was she my new Korean friend?

Sense anything wrong yet?

Is There a Racial Bias in Recruiting in Korea?

A sample of a job advertisement I found back in 2012. I guess I don't qualify.

There are tons of positions to be had throughout Korea, the majority of which are either in public schools or in private academies, known as "hagwons". Most of these jobs are obtained through recruiters. These are the middle men whose job is to find qualified candidates for open positions in Korea.

Why do we have recruiters? Well, since the majority of job candidates speak little Korean, and the majority of school officials speak little English, recruiters are a necessary evil. From the job candidate's point of view, recruiters introduce them to job opportunities they wouldn't have found otherwise.

One day, I began the job hunt for my next position. At this point in the game, I much preferred dealing with schools directly, although I was still open to recruiters if they happened to have the type of position I was looking for. While looking at a desirable position, I thought about the particular recruiter that was offering it. I was pretty sure I had sent my resume to that recruiter before, but I never remembered them ever replying back. I took to my magical e-mail search function.

I was half right. Since 2010, I had sent them my resume 3 times. I had only heard back from them once. In that case, they wanted an interview, but requested a picture beforehand, not realizing I had already sent them one -- it was in the top-right corner of my resume. Nonetheless, I complied by sending an additional photo. I never heard from them again. This, in turn, caused me to think of all of the other resume black hole experiences I've had. I was wondering how I'd have fared in the job search if my skin were a different color. Would I have been treated differently?

And Another Holiday Season Spent in Korea!

Celebrating Christmas!

While some of my friends have been lucky enough to go to their home countries for the holidays, I'll be spending mine here for the third time in a row! I may not have any family here, but I do have a good group of amigos I can count on to make things happen!

Thanksgiving Dinner on Yongsan's US Army Base

The first was my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. Well ahead of time, I think in late September, a Thanksgiving dinner event was posted on Facebook. It was a bit early, but when I saw the good food options and the price, I had to sign up for it!

The dinner was held on the Yongsan Army Base, in a dinner hall. It was advertised by a couple of ladies as a genuine authentic Thanksgiving dinner. They were at least American, so I was expecting good food to be cooked in a way familiar to me! The best detail of all was the price: It was only 20,000 won. I just had to wire money into the organizer's account.

This was the first time they had the event, so there were some hiccups with the organization. We had to sign up and give up some personal information. However, when we got there, they just let us all in, probably because there were so many of us. Also, there was supposed to be a shuttle bus, but we ended up being forced to walk to the hall where the event was taking place. After arriving, we had to wait quite awhile for the food to be ready, so people got a little bit antsy.

Language Exchanges? Why I Switched to Private Tutoring to Learn Korean

At Yeouido Park with a (good) language exchange partner and some of his friends

 This is my third year in Korea, and I've previously written about the steps I have taken to improve my Korean.

Well, the neighborhood class I was taking ended in June, and after that I needed to figure out another way.

Language Exchanges

First, I decided to find a language exchange partner. That would be a situation where I would help a Korean with their English, and in exchange, they would help me with my Korean. That sounds like a good idea, right?

I tried this site, called Conversation Exchange, because there were lots of Koreans on it. When I filled it out, I began to receive messages from Koreans, usually men, who wanted to improve their English. They either needed it for a job, or their university course, they would say. That sounded promising.

My Happy Halloween in 2013!

Me in my witch costume! I left my giant hat in the states!

Happy Halloween!! 

 It being my third Halloween in Korea, I already had a routine, more or less. I always found a way to celebrate the holiday on a night out with my friends, and I always celebrated it with my school.

Not everything went according to plan! I'm still satisfied with the way things turned out though.

Halloween fell on a Thursday this year. The Saturday before, I had a rather complicated situation. I wanted to meet two sets of friends, and also meet up with a date. I was supposed to have dinner first with the date, meet some friends in Hongdae, then meet some friends in Itaewon.

What it ended up being was: I dressed up as a pirate in the grungy women's bathroom in the subway station. Next, I met the friends in Hongdae for about 30 minutes, then had dinner with the date in Itaewon, then went to a bar with the guy, while waiting for the other set of friends to explain to me where the bar was (they had gone to a place I'd never heard of). I ended up getting tired and going home early!

No matter, the Aussie bar we went to had a couple there with an intense makeup job:

Yikes! I was told that she did the makeup.

After that, I genuinely scared for the night. ^^

It's Chuseok Time!

 The kids at school in traditional Korean clothing, called the Hanbok, and making rice cakes

 
Chuseok or 추석 is the biggest and most important holiday in Korea. It celebrates the year's harvest and it's a time for Korean families to come together, be thankful and recognize the contributions of their ancestors.

It's a family holiday known for its food and gift giving. They come together and eat traditional food, and its staple is called Songpyeon (송편), which is a type of rice cake that is rolled into a ball and contains a sweet filling. There's also quite a bit of gift giving, where practical presents are given to friends and neighbors. Ideally, Korean families will visit the hometowns of their ancestors to pay respects to their spirits. It's technically one day, but it's celebrated as a three day holiday.

This year's gift box!

There are some similarities to Thanksgiving, so Chuseok is often described to foreign people as "the Korean Thanksgiving." 

You can read more about the Chuseok holiday here and here.

Since I'm not Korean, I don't have family that's from here, leaving me with little to celebrate. While I've heard of it happening before, it's not really common for the locals to invite foreigners to celebrate with them. It's strictly a family thing, so we are normally outside of the bubble of celebration.

Common Scams in South America... and Ways to Avoid Them

Just about everyone is excited to travel and explore new places. Although I would always recommend a new, fulfilling experience in South America, there are people who are only looking to gain access to your money. Sometimes, these people are just plain dishonest and walk away with your cash that they obtained illegitimately.

Children talking to a reporter in Bolivia

Many of us have heard of the extremes of what could happen to visitors, which include kidnapping for ransom or even murder. However, that's not likely for the average person, so this post isn't about emphasizing those extreme cases. 

In other words, these are the sort of things that visitors are likely to encounter, either directly or indirectly because they're so common. These are the scams to look out for on a day-to-day basis.

Check out these true stories about some of the negative parts of my adventures to countries such as Argentina, Chile, Uruguay, Bolivia, Ecuador and Colombia!

Better than Busan! Our Weekend at Jumunjin Beach (주문진해변)

Two weeks ago, a friend invited me to go to the beach. This beach was called Jumunjin (주문진), which is located on the east coast of South Korea, in Gangneung City in the Gangwon Province (강원도 강릉시).

Jumunjin Beach

I had always heard that the beaches on the east coast of Korea were better, but I hadn't gone to the east coast at that point. Now that I've been, I can safely say that I also agree with that statement. If you're looking for nice beaches in Korea, but haven't checked out the east coast, then you're really missing out!

My God They're Bold: Frustrations with Korean Boys and Their Solicitations for Sex

25th birthday. A day or night out with "friends" can easily lead to disaster.

 
One Sunday evening a couple of months ago, I met with a potential language exchange partner. I wanted to practice using Korean, but the course I was taking ended, and wasn't going to start up again for several months at least.

We met at an ice cream parlor. He told me that he had lived in America for awhile, and we were interested in the same TV shows. I thought we had hit it off. He could help me.

Not too long later, he started making comments, suggesting that I "must be popular" and he asked me whether I had a boyfriend. He began pestering me about coming over his place to cook dinner sometime. When I told him that I didn't know him well enough, he became pushy about it. "Then, I'll come over to your place." 

I let him know that also wasn't acceptable. I wanted to only meet him in public places. He quickly became frustrated. He told me that it was okay, nothing would happen. I didn't have a boyfriend, so why did it matter?

By then, what he was looking for was clear. I bluntly told him that I wasn't looking for sex. I wanted a language exchange partner.

"What?? No, that wasn't what I wanted!! You're crazy!"

The Time a Korean Man Followed Me Home

At the King Sejeong Museum by Seoul City Hall. Usually these things happen to me when I'm away from home.

That night, about three weeks ago, I was walking to my apartment with two coworkers, both of whom had decided to do some evening shopping at the local food mart. I was only a block away and didn't need anything, so I continued on to our street.

As I turned the corner, I walked by several drunk men in their late twenties or early thirties.  One of them called out "Helllo! Helllo!" I ignored him and kept walking.

When I was just a few steps from my apartment building, I realize that one of these men is following me. I had already felt exhausted from a long day's work, so I became frustrated. Thinking that he would probably go away, I walked by my building and into a convenience store. I come out and he's magically reemerges. I walk to the food mart. He ducks around the corner and waits for me to come out.

I didn't want this man to see where I lived, nor did I want him to catch me in a secluded area. Very bad things have happened to women in these situations, so I try to be careful and do my best to keep aware of what's going on around me.

That man followed me as I kept walking around the block and eventually he got tired, instead asking me for my phone number. I shook my head and circled the block again. I had finally made it to my apartment safely. I have been followed, groped, violated and flashed before in Korea, but this was different. None of these things had happened so close to home. And that was the scary part.

The Boryeong Mud Festival 보령머드축제 (Again!) in 2013

A collage of the fun we had last weekend!

Third Time's a Charm?

This year, I attended the Boryeong Mud Festival 2013 (보령머드축제) at Daecheon Beach, which is located on the west coast of Korea, about 2-3 hours south of Seoul. This is actually my third time going, since I also attended in 2010 and 2011. Not sure what it is? Here's a CNN article highlighting the event. Take the "3 million participants" claim with a grain of salt though -- that's an outrageously inflated number.

Me before getting muddy!

I actually wasn't going to go this year, but since all of my friends seemed to be going, I decided to go too. Ironically I didn't see any of them while I was there! But that was okay since I still enjoyed myself greatly.

This time, I went with a new date and we had some good, low-key fun. No 8:00 am party bus, no all-night drinking escapades and certainly no hookers! We enjoyed the beach, the seafood and the mud. There was plenty of relaxing involved.

We signed up the week before through a travel agency, Waegook Travel, which gave us accommodation for 59,000 Korean won each.

He lives in the Yongsan district in Seoul and I live in Suwon. We wanted to travel to Daecheon beach together, and not so early in the morning. We opted for the national rail (sometimes referred to as the "KTX train" interchangeably), which offers multiple Mungunghwa and Saemaul trains to Deacheon daily. Suwon and Yongsan subway stations double as rail stations too, making it convenient. I was able to book the tickets so that he got on the train first, and I hopped in the seat next to him later when the train reached Suwon. In 2010, I ended up without a seat, so this time I booked the train tickets a week before to ensure that we had seats for the approximately two hour trip to Daecheon.

South African Barbecue at Nanji Hangang Park (Camping Site)

Me at the event :)

Not too long ago, I met a new friend at the Cinco de Mayo party that we both attended. He happened to be from South Africa, and he invited me to an annual get together for South Africans (and friends) in Seoul.

The event was a big barbecue where folks brought their own food and drinks. They cook, eat, drink and have a good time with friends. That reminds me of what I used to do with my own family in the USA, so I couldn't wait to attend.

Unfortunately, the South African friend who sent me the invitation ended up double-booking and wasn't able to attend. I was on my own! I ended up inviting a few of my friends to the event and met them there.

Sitting at the table

The event was held at Nanji Hangang Park (난지한강공원), at the camping site (캠핑장). The closest subway station is the World Cup Stadium station on line 6. In theory, one can walk there from the subway station in about 20 minutes by supposedly leaving out of exit #1 and following the signs. However, after talking to people who attempted to walk, it seems like it's very easy to get lost... and one of these people was Korean. The easiest way is to take a taxi. I took a taxi from Seoul Station which cost about 8,000 won.

We brought some of our own food. I prepared and brought chicken, salad and macaroni and cheese. My friends brought various other things. Luckily for us, I was able to get in contact with someone else to hold a spot for us. One man helped me get started, and I was able to make some BBQ chicken. Their grills were nice and easy to use. It was probably my second time being responsible for working the grill, so I was excited!

Celebrating Cinco de Mayo and Friendship!

Last weekend has been an eventful one for me.

At first, my heart was broken by someone and I was a bit upset, but luckily for me I was able to recover and I had a great time.

Cinco de Mayo at On the Border restaurant

It started with a simple Cinco de mayo get together at the On the Border restaurant located by Apgujeong Rodeo station. On this particular night, a group was able to buy out the restaurant for a get together. We were able to have all-you-can-eat tacos, burritos, chicken wings, salad and nacho chips. Not to mention a seemingly endless supply of margaritas! I tried a bit of everything, and I'm happy to say that the food was all great! 

On the Border, taken from their website

To those who might be concerned about the quality of the food, On the Border served us our tacos, burritos and salad with real salsa, sour cream and guacamole. The servings also had an acceptable amount of meat. Don't worry, I've been to my fair share of Mexican restaurants in Korea and have gone through the tragedy of paying a fortune to receive substandard food. Imagine paying more than $20 for a plate only to receive more lettuce and tomatoes than carne (meat/beef)? At On the Border, this is not so. I was also cynical about the margaritas ("Oh, they'll probably run out then serve only cheap beer...") but these surprised me as well. They truly meant all-you-can-drink and the drink was strong. They kept those coming too. 

To check this place out, keep in mind that the restaurant is located in Seoul by the Apgujeong Rodeo station on the Bundang Line. After coming out exit #6, walk straight and make a left onto the first small street. Then, make a right into the first little alley way and walk down. The restaurant is located on the left.

Here I was able to meet some chill people and have good conversations.

Club Answer

Our next stop was club Answer in Cheongdam. 

We took a taxi there, so I can't be sure of the exact directions, but the internet tells me it's close to Cheongdam station on line 7. 

My Life at an Elementary Hagwon

The new semester (really a quarter) has begun, and I have finished teaching the first week of my own classes. Before it started, I had simply taken over the classes of the teacher I replaced.

My very first gift from a student!

So far, so good. The children are very sweet. I'm not having trouble teaching the classes. And my coworkers, both Korean and foreign are cool. My school has four other foreign teachers and about six Korean teachers. I'm working at a campus of a successful chain.

I used to teach kindergarten, but not anymore

I'm not at a public school, but at what's called a hagwon (Korean: 학원), or a for-profit cram school. They have them in all subjects, such as math, science, art, music and of course, languages such as English or Chinese. I have also taught in hagwons in my first and second years in Korea. In my current school, I'm teaching both elementary and middle school students. They attend a regular school in the morning, then head to my school 2 or 3 times a week to study English. However, the first two schools I worked for were a bit different, because they were kindergarten or "kindy" hagwons. Korean parents may pay to send their children to a kindergarten to get a head start on learning, since it's not compulsory. Some of these kindergartens have classes taught in English. I used to work in schools like that.

Working at an elementary hagwon is different in a few ways. The hours are different. You report for work at a kindy hagwon in the morning, around 8:30-9:00 am. However, now I show up for work sometime around 2:00 pm. At both types of schools, I still worked around 8 hours a day. Also, the kids I teach are much older, which is an adjustment. I still need to get used to teaching middle school kids, who have much less interesting materials and really aren't excited about being there. They're also tired because Korean students, as they get older, are often out studying at hagwons until as late as 10:00 pm! Lastly, I miss getting fed by the school. Nowadays I have to seek or cook my own food. The good thing is, I just found out that I'm reimbursed for this?

There are some new, positive changes, however:

The Korean Medical Check

So, What is this Check and Why is It a Big Deal?

Korea brings in thousands of new teachers each year, and the government wants to make sure that they are in general good health. There is an idea among the locals that if left unchecked, foreigners could easily spread diseases to the Korean population. Also, like in other countries, they don't want the recent arrivals to become a drain on the medical system.


As a result, all those coming to Korea on the foreign language teacher (E2) visa must pass a medical screening in Korea at a government-approved hospital. Then, the results are taken to immigration to apply for the Alien Registration Card (ARC), which is the national ID Card.

Long story short, if the teacher does not pass the exam, their E2 visa is cancelled and they are ordered to leave Korea at their own expense.

So, what sort of things are they looking for? Here is a clue:

Click on the picture to read the form in detail

The above is a snapshot of a form all prospective teachers must fill out while in their home country to apply for the initial visa, which goes in the passport.

If an applicant checks "yes" on any of those questions, they will be denied the visa.

Of course, you could always lie on this form, which is why you must get checked at a hospital within 90 days of your arrival to Korea.

The big things that will certainly get you sent home are: HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis, Hepatitis and illegal drug use.

There is also a big stigma against emotional issues, such as anxiety. Admitting such a problem will cause a rift, even if it doesn't impact one's teaching ability. They also test for common anxiety medications.

So, last week I completed my own medical check at a local hospital. I did mine at the fancy Ajou University Hospital. It was a fairly large hospital and it was impressive with state-of-the-art facilities. It came with a price tag: 120,000 Korean won or $111 US dollars. Medical checks typically cost around